My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
