They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish you could order shots online.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
