The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
