i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
