Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
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