tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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