i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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