I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You smell like stripper and shame
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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