Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
