I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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