I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
