I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
