I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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