SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
