yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
