I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
