He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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