big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
