And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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