if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
