u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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