Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
