so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
