I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
