I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
