If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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