he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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