just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
