I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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