Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
