Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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