I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
