The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
