dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
