If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
