My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
