Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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