"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
