Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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