I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
