He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
