meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ketchup is God's man juice
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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