I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize