Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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