she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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