I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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