I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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