At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
