i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
