Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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