So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
