Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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