I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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