So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
