i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize