So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
