member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
two words: eviction party
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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