literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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