College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
