just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
