Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry about my life...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize