I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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