Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I deserve this hangover.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
