Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
