I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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