I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
