Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize